


No Such Thing As Coincidence

by musegaarid



Category: due South
Genre: Epistolary, Gender misunderstanding, M/M, Poetry, frank discussions of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-27
Updated: 2013-06-27
Packaged: 2017-12-16 08:55:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/860297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musegaarid/pseuds/musegaarid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While working with Vecchio, a lonely Fraser puts a personal ad in the Chicago Tribune.  Kowalski answers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Such Thing As Coincidence

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in the second season, sometime after _All The Queen's Horses_.

**An ad in the Chicago Tribune...**

_It was the case, in medieval China, that a woman would search for a lover by writing a poem on a lotus leaf and letting it float down a brook. If the fates allowed, the man who discovered the poem would then find the woman, and they would share a heart, a home, and a bed._

_There not being much in the way of small waterways in the greater Chicago area (certainly a leaf would be lost on the Chicago River) and not being much of a poet myself, I will instead copy the words of another and find a different means of getting this message to you. If you are the one, please look for me. I find myself growing increasingly lonesome here._

_Among the beautiful clouds,_  
 _Over the heavenly river,_  
 _Crosses the weaving maiden._

_A night of rendezvous,_  
 _Across the autumn sky,_  
 _Surpasses joy on earth._

_Moments of tender love and dream,_  
 _So sad to leave the magpie bridge._

_Eternal love between us two,_  
 _Shall withstand the time apart._

_-Stranger in a Strange Land_  
 _PO Box 194_  
 _Chicago, IL 60601_

 

 

Stranger -

Hey, so I read your ad and it was different than the usual “I’m 5’10” and I like long walks on the beach” kind of crap, so I’m writing back to you. I ain’t no Prince Charming, but I guess I’m lonely, too, and it seems better to be lonely together than lonely apart, you know? My ex probably wouldn’t agree, but that’s where the ex part comes in.

Anyways, I want to look for you, but I got no idea where to start. I don’t know what you look like or what you do or anything. Give a guy a hint? In the meantime, here’s a poem I always kind of liked.

A sharp silhouette in the ballroom door,  
A shadowy figure across the floor,  
A graceful movement away from the wall,  
A glance as she paused to survey the hall,  
And then she became a beautiful sight,  
A rose that blooms in the evening light.

A glowing gardenia graced her tress,  
A garden of flowers grew on her dress.  
Such beauty and grace should inspire a chance,  
But I hesitated to ask her to dance,  
In fearing the thorns I might find that night,  
On the rose that blooms in the ev'ning light.

No sweet scent of roses was ever sensed,  
Nor petal caressed without risk commenced.  
So feeling the pain outweighed by the prize,  
Looked into a beautiful pair of eyes,  
And asked to have the next dance, if I might,  
With the rose that blooms in the ev'ning light.

Champ  
PO Box 2238  
Chicago, IL 60661

 

 

_To Champ -_

_I mused over your comment about being lonely together for quite some time last night. It was most profound. I don’t know that I have ever had that experience, but I’m certainly intrigued, and it does sound preferable to the alternative. The closest I've come to such a situation is the unenviable experience of caring about others far more than I was cared for in return. Not that I wish to complain. I simply want you to know that my experience in matters of romance is limited, at best._

_I apologize if my lack of specificity is frustrating to you. My purpose in using this roundabout method is to get to know someone before appearances can distract us from the truth in our hearts. ~~It happens far too frequently, in my opinion.~~ To that end, I do not wish to say what I look like, but I can tell you that my profession involves helping people to the best of my ability._

_Thank you for sharing your poem with me._

_-Stranger in a Strange Land_

 

 

Stranger –

Shy, huh? I get that. If it helps, I ain't a supermodel or nothing, just an ordinary looking guy, and I don't care if you're ordinary looking, too. I'm looking for someone who doesn't mind being with a working-class joe. I can do the fancy thing for special occasions and I clean up pretty good - I like giving little presents and stuff, and I'm not gonna forget a birthday or anniversary - but from day-to-day I'm more of a sports and beer kinda guy. I got a pretty dangerous job and I don't work normal hours, so sometimes I just need to blow off steam or make like a couch potato.

Speaking of jobs, you say yours is to help people. That don't really narrow it down much. You could be a doctor or a cop or a teacher or a social worker or a lawyer or even an accountant for all I know. You gotta give me something to work with here, 'cause I wanna find you. I do. I know all about loving someone too much and it sucks.

Write back!  
Champ

 

 

_To Champ -_

_Thank you for your honesty. It seems to be a remarkably rare commodity these days..._

_I was relieved to read your description of yourself. As I am entirely average in appearance as well, I don't foresee an issue on that front. If it helps to narrow things down, I am not a doctor, teacher, or lawyer. In addition, I have a somewhat unusual animal companion._

_I was also quite pleased to find that you enjoy sports; I am fond of them myself._

_At this point, I'm not certain what it is that I'm truly looking for. Friendship, certainly. Romance, if possible. But I do not trust my own judgment in that realm. You must be patient with me if you wish to pursue a deeper relationship. Once bitten, twice shy, as they say._

_Before my letter turns unbearably maudlin, I should go. However, I would like you to know that you've already brightened my life. Now when I go on a walk, or am performing one of my more mundane duties, I look at the people passing in the street and wonder: Could that be Champ? Or that?_

_-Stranger in a Strange Land_

 

 

Stranger –

Oh, thank God. I mean, I like you and I'd like you no matter what you did for a living, but I gotta say thank-freaking-God that you are not a lawyer. I hate the bastards.

Unusual animal companion, huh? I got one of those, too, but I can't say I ever thought about her in those words before. At least, I think she's a she. It's kinda hard to tell... She's low-maintenance, though, which is good, 'cause I don't always know when I'm gonna be around.

So, besides walks and sports, what do you like to do when you're not helping people?

And, hey, I'm glad I could brighten your life. I'm like a ray of sunshine over here. But now you got me doing it. Only most of the people I meet I don't want them to be you, you know?

-Champ

 

 

_To Champ -_

_Many lawyers are hard-working individuals who care deeply about what they do: protecting the innocent and trying to find the truth. So, it may be premature to say that you hate all lawyers. However, since many lawyers are not as concerned with justice as they should be, I can certainly understand your position._

_In regards to your animal companion, I often find that a careful inspection of the genital area will generally help in identifying his or her gender, if that is something that concerns you._

_I am quite fond of music, in addition to walks and sports, and I enjoy making things. I'm quite good with my hands. Does that help?_

_-Stranger in a Strange Land_

 

 

Stranger –

Wow. I like you and all, but you're completely nutso (in a good way). Lawyers are either total slimebags, burnt out public defenders with no self-respect, or so in love with their careers that they don't notice anyone else. If you've met a lawyer who cares deeply about what they do and gives a crap about the truth, you must be the luckiest woman in the world.

And, uh, you some kind of reptile expert or something? 'Cause I'm not gonna just sit there and stare at Sally's (probably) girl parts. Even if I could find them. She deserves a little privacy and I'm not that desperate. (Yet. :D) Human girl parts is a whole 'nother story, though. And I hope you don't mind me talking like this, but I figure we gotta be honest here and sex is pretty important to me in a relationship-type situation. There would definitely be some staring at girl parts if I ever found you and we ended up together that way (if you want that). I'm not a pervert or anything – don't got no weird fetishes – but I ain't a prude either. I'll try just about anything once.

Guess that's it for now. Hope you write back.  
Champ

 

 

_To Champ -_

_My apologies for taking so long to reply to your last letter. I had a somewhat difficult week ~~involving psychotic brothers and a poncho wired with a bom~~ \- that's not important. What is important is that it has taken more time than I wished to be resolved and that was time I could not spend writing back to you. I hope you haven't taken my silence as fear or disapproval. While I might be "nutso," I don't believe I am completely so, my respect for lawyers notwithstanding._

_Also, I am not a reptile expert, per se, but I am fairly familiar with many of the major species of mammals in North America. Determining the gender of a mammal is significantly easier than sexing a reptile, so I understand your confusion. In case you were wondering, I am not in the habit of spending any significant time staring at animals' genitals; in most cases a quick glance will suffice. I'm sorry my advice was so useless._

_As for the remainder of your letter, yes, honesty is much preferred and appreciated. If it helps, I do not believe I have any particularly unusual desires, either. I am uncertain about your preferences regarding frequency, but some kind of sexual contact on a fairly regular basis is part of what I am looking for, so it sounds as though we would be well-matched on that level, as well. I have only one further thought on the matter. You say you'll try almost anything once. Does that include assignations with other men?_

_-Stranger in a Strange Land_

 

 

Stranger –

Okay, so it's been a few days, but you totally threw me. I had to look up assignations in the dictionary and kinda wigged out when I realized that you wanted to know if I'd do a guy. Which, at first I thought, shit no! Then I thought maybe you were into threesomes, which is kind of an unusual desire whatever you say. Then I spent a whole day thinking that maybe you were married or already had a boyfriend or something and you guys were looking to spice up your love life, which is cool and everything, but you been talking about honesty and leaving that out ain't honest. So right now, I don't know. I really don't know why you're asking, either, but I guess I thought about it some. I never wanted to do a guy before, and looking around at the guys I know, I still don't. But I suppose if there was a guy that I clicked with and who did it for me and I trusted and stuff, I could maybe try it. Anyway, not sure if that's the answer you wanted, but that's what I got.

Champ

 

 

_To Champ -_

_You are quite possibly the most amazing man I have ever known, even if it is only through the written word. Even though I was in no fit state of mind when I wrote my last letter, you have been nothing but thoughtful and open-minded and I hope that someday I can have half the courage you do._

_I am sorry that I was ever unclear about this point, but at present I have no spouse, boyfriend, or any other person with whom I share romantic liaisons. I'm entirely unencumbered. Additionally, I'm not remotely interested in having relations with a third person present; two would be more than sufficient._

_Finally, the reason for my question is that, well, I am a man. I apologize if I have misled you somehow; I'm not sure where you got the impression that I was not. I know this troubles you, but I hope we can maintain our correspondence regardless of what else we might decide. What I mean is that even if you cannot imagine a relationship with another man, I dearly hope we can remain friends, at least. Your letters have come to mean so much to me. If you feel you cannot continue, however, I will certainly understand._

_-Stranger in a Strange Land_

 

 

Stranger –

What the hell do you take me for? I ain't no homophobe. I'm not gay either, but I'm not just gonna stop talking to you 'cause you are. At least I get why you wanted to talk to someone for a bit before you met them, though. It's hard to keep getting rejected when the other person doesn't even know you yet – just that you're a guy or have weird hair or ugly glasses or whatever. I dunno about the whole you/me romance thing now, but talking about it ain't gonna kill me. What do gay guys do about sex anyway? From what I heard, it don't sound all that great, you know?

And I don't know why I thought you were a chick. I guess I wanted you to be one and assumed. Just like I assumed I was the only guy you were writing back to, but I'm probably being a dumbass. I bet twenty guys answered your ad and you're probably writing to all of them about this stuff. Maybe one of them is gay and you guys are gonna run off to Canada and get married and have little gay babies.

Champ

 

 

_To Champ -_

_If what you've heard about homosexual intercourse is that it leads to having children, you've been sadly misinformed..._

_Also, please allow me this one chance to set the record straight about a few other matters. While I did receive a few inquiries to my advertisement, yours was the only one that interested me enough to respond. You, Champ, are the only person I have been speaking to for the past several weeks, outside of my co-workers, and on much more intimate topics than I would normally approach in the workplace._

_In addition, I do not identify as a gay man. I am bisexual, in the sense that I am equally attracted to both men and women. That was why I did not specify a preferred gender in my ad; it makes little difference to me if my partner is male or female._

_That said, I have never yet engaged in intercourse with another man, so I cannot describe it for you from personal experience. In theory, however, homosexual lovemaking can take many forms, including frottage, mutual masturbation, oral stimulation, anal penetration, and intercrural intercourse, all of which could be experienced with a female partner, as well. In fact, the only sexual act that two men cannot participate in together is vaginal intercourse and I believe the loss is more than made up for by the existence of the prostate in men, which can be remarkably pleasurable if it is stimulated during intercourse._

_-Stranger in a Strange Land_

 

 

Stranger –

Jeez! My ears are burning over here! How do you do that when you sound like you swallowed a textbook? Hell, I had to pull my dictionary out again. If I'd known "frottage" was in there when I was in middle school, I'd have taken English a lot more seriously.

Okay, so I get it now. You like guys and girls, but specifically you like me right now 'cause you ain't talking to anyone else. And I'm guessing that you're kinda hoping that I'll change my mind about guys, because I'd want the same thing if I was talking to someone I really liked and they weren't into whatever I was. So, let's give this thing a fair shake. How about we both go to a public place at the same time? I'll wander around, and if I find you, we'll go out once – as buddies – and see how it goes and if it leads to anything. If I can't find you, then maybe I'm not the guy you're looking for.

Champ

 

 

_To Champ -_

_That sounds like an admirable plan and I am eagerly looking forward to the opportunity to finally meet you in person. Unfortunately, I came down with a mild case of amnesia the other day and am still trying to "find my footing," as it were. I will write again when I am feeling more myself because I can't expect you to find me if I cannot._

_-Stranger in a Strange Land_

 

 

A MILD CASE OF AMNESIA??!?!  
\- Champ

 

 

_To Champ -_

_Once again I find that I must apologize for an embarrassingly tardy letter, but it has been a trying couple of weeks. The details are unimportant. Suffice it to say that I find myself increasingly isolated and in desperate need of a friend, if nothing else. Will you come and find me now?_

_-Stranger in a Strange Land_

 

 

Stranger –

What I'm about to say is probably the shittiest thing I could say in a whole history of saying shitty things. I know that I'm an asshole, you don't gotta tell me. But while you were gone, I started a new job and met this guy... And it's not like that, or maybe it is, I don't know, but maybe it could be. I mean, I never would have looked before, but we had talked about all that stuff and so I looked a little and I liked what I saw and I kinda want to see if there's something there. So now I feel like if I find you, it won't be fair to him. I even asked him straight out if he thought I was attractive and he said yes. So I gotta try. And I'm real sorry, Stranger. I really am. But I know you'll find someone soon – someone who cares about you and is always there for you. I'm sorry I can't be that guy, but you're important to me just the same.

Thanks,  
Champ

 

 

_To Champ -_

_I appreciate your concern, but there is no cause for worry. I believe I have met someone special as well..._

_Yours,  
Stranger in a Strange Land_

 

 

 

**Two years later, sixty-three miles from the nearest town in the Northwest Territories, Canada...**

Ray stares at the fire, deep in thought. Occasionally, he takes a sip of tea, but the mug has long since given up its warmth to the hands that cup it.

"Frase?" he asks, finally. "You ever had a pen pal?"

Fraser's eyes crinkle at the corners. "I did once." He glances over to see the flames picking out golden highlights in Ray's hair.

"You ever wonder if you should have..."

"No," Fraser interrupts, smiling. "I'd know you anywhere, Champ."

**Author's Note:**

> First written in October 2010.


End file.
